Cocktail, the exquisitely designed and acted 1988 flick starring Tom Cruise and a bunch of other people.

I have rarely gone to a movie with as much anticipation as when I went to Cocktail 17 years ago. Visually it was everything I had hoped for. What a beautiful movie. I�ve never seen a better interpretation of a bar or a drinking establishment in a live action movie. The style of this movie was perfect. The design of this movie was horrible. This movie is all style and no content. You can not have one without the other.

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Any discussion of the design of Cocktail starts and ends with the poster. “When he pours, he reigns.” Wow. That has got to be the greatest flip-flopped cliche used as a movie tagline EVER. I mean, EVER. I bet when people saw that poster, lots of movie poster designers quit their jobs and started making Whoppers for a living, because they knew there was no topping that line.

Like I said, I went to the theater as a 10 year old kid, my anticipation for seeing a thought provoking, highly intellectual and well designed movie soaring like a kite. But much like Ben Franklin’s kite, my anticipation was struck by lightning and burned to a freaking charcoal briquet. For this was no thought provoker. Just a beautiful looking, well acted movie with no content. And what little content it does have is ripped off.

Cocktail is Top Gun without the planes. Seriously. I�m ashamed to say that when the credits rolled I kind of enjoyed watching it. After I realized the ripoff that this movie is, I knew why I had a sick feeling in my stomach when I left the theater.

I challenge you to really evauluate that statement of mine before you shoot it down. In Top Gun, Cruise is an egotistical Navy pilot who goes to Miramar in his manaical quest to be the best, along the way winking and smiling at every lady he sees. In Cocktail, Cruise is an egotistical ex-Army soldier who goes to Jamaica in his manaical quest to be the best bartender, along the way winking and smiling and every lady he sees.

In Top Gun, his mentor is Charlie, who convinces him that his only bankable talent is flying planes, and to stay on after Goose dies. In Cocktail, his mentor is old veteran barman Douglas “Doug” Coughlin, who convinces him that his only bankable talent is tending bar, and to go after the wealthy women so that he can realise his dream of buying his own bar.

Its the same movie really. The gorgeous visuals, complete with lots of neon and bright vivid colors, disguise the horrible truth. When I discovered the truth, nay, the THEFT, I was so sick to my stomach that I found the shoe I’d lost some 6 days earlier.

It looks good, people will like it, it will win lots of awards and perhaps even make you some sweet coin. Its style sans substance. Good design has both. This movie has style. No substance. And as you know my credo is The Four S’es: “style sans substance sucks”.

True to form, Cocktail looks good, audiences liked it, and it made Tom Cruise and company some sweet cash.

To paraphrase Bennett from his review of Sin City, Its just such a shame that something so worthless was done so well.