I saw the most indistinguishable logo I have seen in, like, three weeks, right there on the side of the pickup truck of the guy who flipped me off for accusing him of calling me Big Poppa. The type treatment, in a mutant font child of Mrs Eaves and Cheltenham, said “Doctor Odd Job”. But at least I could read the type. I couldn’t tell what the logo was. I mean, it was something in a red oval, but just what, I couldn’t tell.

So here I am in quite a fix. I had just consumed a 64-oz Ginormous Gallon! of brand-name soda, and needless to say, I had to, um, conduct some business in a bad way. So I need to be in a hurry. But the mystery of this logo is tearing at me. I’m a designer first, a businessman second. It looked awful, worthy of a post here even, because it was probably funny. I had to investigate.

So I did. Here’s the running diary of my logo investigation.

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7200 block. I’ve managed to keep pace behind the truck, but can’t quite get close enough in the fading daylight to get a good look at the logo. With a name like Odd Job, it could be any number of things. It would be really cool if it was a big guy throwing his hard hat. You know, because Odd Job in the Bond movie “Goldfinger” would throw a metal rimmed hat at people. That would be great! A terrible design solution, and probably copyright infringement, but it would be cool nonetheless.

8400 block. I get cut off by some guy in a Honda Civic blaring “Copacabana” by Barry Manilow, loud enough that I could hear it through the window of my truck. Honest. How could I make that up? Incidentally, didn’t Manilow have some of the worst album covers ever? Seriously, go look sometime. Trust me.

9600 block. Crazy Civic driver has turned onto a side street, where he’s probably blaring “I Write The Songs” while otherwise rational people plot his unseemly demise. I speed up to get behind Odd Job, hoping to get a glimpse of this logo. I must know. It is my obsession. Like Camo: High Gravity Lager was two hours prior. Yes, I have a short attention span.

10800 block. Still trailing Odd Job, treading the thin line between “so close I could get ticketed for tailgating” and “just close enough that no one can sneak in between”. Still can’t make out the logo. Man, they totally should have used a heavier line weight when they drew this thing. Also, something tells me that the, um, business is getting more urgent to be conducted.

12000 block. I can’t believe this guy is going the same direction I am. How funny would it be if he lived on my street and I could have taken my time getting home, and walked right up to the truck when it was parked? Actually, considering I accused him of calling me Big Poppa, it would not be funny if he was my neighbor.

13200 block. Still in front of me, still can’t see the logo. Although between 124th and 129th streets, I get my best look yet when he had to stop suddenly, and because I was trailing so closely I nearly slam right into the very logo I’m persuing. From six feet away at a fast diminishing rate of speed, it looks like a heart with a necklace around it. But that doesn’t make any sense for a handyman. Unless that VH1 logo designer did it. Then maybe it makes perfect sense. Or maybe I’m just an idiot. Actually, I am but that has nothing to do with it.

14400 block. Odd Job turns north. Even though I ought to be continuing west, and there’s some business I ought to be attending to, I turn and follow him. Pretending to sip on Gin n Juice. Laid back. With my mind on the logo and the logo on my mind.

Immediately after the turn north, he pulls into a gas station. I follow. And as we slow down at the driveway, I get a good glimpse of the logo. And what I see…is…ah heck, its a hammer with a stethoscope around it!

Of course! What a perfect solution! You bet! No. That’s, um, disappointing. And weird. Not Perfect Strangers Balki on Surreal Life weird, but bad personification logo weird.

Unfortunately I’d already written this whole thing in my head in anticipation of some majestic and awesome logo, only to find the hammer stethoscope dude next to bad type. So that’s how it goes. I’d delayed business, chased after an ultimately disappointing logo, and all I had to show for it was a funny post with a bad ending.

Proving once again that when you place medical instruments around the neck of manual hand tools, there are no winners.